I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
