I need help removing her.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
