9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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