Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
