the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i came on her dog
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
