I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
