all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
