i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
