Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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