it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
