he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
