His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
