she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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