Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
