i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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