Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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