SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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