The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
