Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
