Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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