I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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