Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
