So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
