Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
