He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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