So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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