we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
