I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
