THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
