i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
