found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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