I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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