I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize