don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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