I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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