if i can run in heels then i can drive
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My cat gives me a boner
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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