Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
