I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
