I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
