A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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