I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
