Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
