Can i not drive my cunt home
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
