Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
