I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
