Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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