My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
