You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
