We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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