You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
