Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
