my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
