Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
