I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
