Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
