seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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