Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
