You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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