I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
