Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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