in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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