Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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