Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
