i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
