dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
